An Arranged Adventure: A 40-Year Journey (So Far)

When I was residing in Hokie Land, my Dad was teaching high school in Stafford County, VA.  There was an English teacher there, affectionately known as Momma R, with whom  he became good friends. He and my mom became social friends with her and her husband C. They all enjoyed both a professional and social relationship.

R & C, had a daughter M, who was two years younger than my 20. I had seen her one time before when I was in F'burg with my dad, where R & C lived and once when she dropped by the Main Street house in Orange after a football game with some friends.

I had been on summer break for a few days after my third year at Tech (1970) with no big plans and no attachments, other than working construction in Orange. One of my cousins was staging a toga party on his farm, so I had planned on going. My mom asked me if I had a date and I said I had not been home long enough to figure out who was around, so, no, I did not. She had a plan, which included asking the S family and another associate of my dad's to come over to Orange for an evening BBQ, a Saturday night as I remember. She suggested that the daughter, M, come along and I could escort her to the toga party after the cook-out. I said, "Sure, why not." 

Immediately she called Momma R with her proposal with me in the kitchen. As chance would have it M was in the same room with her mom when she received the call and the proposal. While R was saying, yes, they would be delighted, M was vigorously shaking her head in the negative. But providence was a work and she became part of the family to arrive on that fateful Saturday afternoon.

When they arrived, there were lots of folks around, so I did not feel too awkward with the setup; M and I had some comfortable conversation about school and the toga party. I had not seen her for a while and up until this point I had never really had a one-on-one conversation with her  After eating the time arrived to go to the toga party which, of course, required a costume. M disappeared upstairs and I found a room to don my outfit, which I now have no memory of. What I do remember most definitely and clearly was M's graceful appearance on the side porch in an off-the-shoulder toga, some appropriate jewelry, and a laurel wreath in her beautiful brown hair.  My breath caught, for I had never seen her in this light before and I found her most attractive. My next reaction was the thought - this is going to be a great evening!

So, with an array of adoring smiles from all the family (they had high hopes now for this relationship) we set off for the farm. Seeing most of my close home-town friends was delightful especially with this loveliness on my arm.  The night ended up being a bit of a blur since we were in college-trained party mode. A dreamlike event occurred when my dad and M's dad showed up at the party with a decanter of wine that when tipped would shoot a thin stream of the red stuff a remarkable distance. The game was to coordinate the shooter with the drinker some yards distant so the stream ended up in the mouth.  They did not succeed. They  graciously said they would see us later and disappeared. As they departed, I told them it could be quite late and they advised us that the family was heading back to F'burg and I could bring M over the next day.

We stayed for a while longer and then proceeded back to the Main Street house, feeling relaxed and from my point-of-view enjoying the companionship immeasureably. After some time on the porch by ourselves, the evening ended.

Up the next morning, quite late as I recall (no church call, thanks, mom and dad), and feeling a bit groggy (in the true sense of the word), we set off for F'burg in a 1960 Ford Thunderbird, which I was driving at the time. I was really enjoying spending time with this girl and did not want this day to end. Something had changed.  In the course of an evening, I was no longer the confirmed, unattached, footloose college boy with plans of college graduation and an engineering career in the big time, but a guy that had met a girl who was going to change his life. We chatted it up comfortably on the return and I remember sitting in the car with M standing on the sidewalk outside her house and trying to figure out what I was going to do next.  I did not ask her for another date; I needed to decompress and think about what was happening, since I was feeling a little giddy at this point. I finally decided I just needed to go back to Orange, since I had an early date with the construction crew in the morning. So good-byes were said with no promise of a future.

Regardless of the fact that our folks were dying of suspense at what I would do next, no one asked much about the evening. I had decided on the trip back that I was going to ask her out again but I just needed to figure out a plan.  I called later in that week and asked her if she would come to Orange the next weekend and we could take in a movie in C'ville and I would drive her back to F'burg on Sunday. She said yes and the plan was set. The date worked out famously and I believe at that point I was probably a goner and would never look back. We attended a wedding of one of my fraternity brothers in NOVA later in the summer, and the brothers had not seen me since school let out. They call me Henry. After watching M and me together, more than one person said, "Henry, this looks serious, man" and I said, "Yes, it is."

The rest is history: we dated all that summer, she came with family on our beach vacation to Virginia Beach in August (I said ILY on the porch), she came down to see me in B'burg a couple of weekends, we were engaged during the Chrismas Holiday and got married on July 31th after my graduation. We began our married life in Greensboro, NC where I was employed as an engineer for Ma Bell. That was almost 40 years ago and the adventure continues. How awesome is that!

So, does this qualify as an arranged marriage? M and I say so, mostly because of the fun we have and the looks we get when we tell the story. I know now that both sets of parents had wondered if such a match was possible before we really met, hoped something would happen while we were dating, and rejoiced when we decided to marry. Not a bad start when the home team is 100% behind you. What could they say? We were their number one draft picks and we signed the contract.

There is another aspect to thinking about humans arranging stuff; providence plays the major role. I believe that the true higher power (there is only one), he who is other than we are, the creator of all we see and know, had a plan for us and he used those with wisdom and experience in our midst to guide us to each other. O, thanks Cuz for throwing that toga party.

Immense gratitude. That's all I can say right now.